Top ten lists of top 10 lists: The top ten

Everybody loves to read at least half a dozen inane top ten lists a month, right? Of course they do! That’s why N4G is constantly clogged up with them, and anybody who suggests it’s a quick and easy way for lazy talentless writers to fill up their sites obviously doesn’t know what they’re talking about. So boys and girls, have we ever got a treat for you here!

A top ten list of top ten lists is a great idea, but I’ve gone one better. I’ve compiled a list of the ten greatest lists of top ten lists. If you’re confused, don’t worry; top ten lists aren’t meant to engage the brain. Just sit back and enjoy!

10: Top ten top 10 lists of Modern Warfare perks (ihave10thprestigebutnogirlfriend.net)

This is a great top ten, because it includes lists where, ingeniously, people have included perks from Modern Warfare 2 as well! So you get truly well informed and useful lists. In fact, I’d advise you to check out the above site where the compilation of lists is hosted. It’s the ultimate site for all things Call of Duty related, and even finds time to discuss Tom Clancy games now and again. The forum is particularly fascinating, with some fantastic threads. My personal favourites are ‘I’ve read all the Andy McNab books, I could be in the SAS, it’s easy’, and ‘Beatboxing through VOIP: a beginner’s guide’.

9: Top ten top 10 ladies not wearing very much (misogynyforallthefamily.org)

Do you want lots of hits for your site? Do you find yourself out of breath when you try to type five sentences within three minutes? Then you could do much worse than pay attention to this list for ideas. Some might say that the reason photographs of photoshopped women in skimpy clothing are hit magnets on gaming sites, is because they provide something for fourteen year old boys who can’t get past their parents’ porn filters to drool (or whatever) over. This is of course not true.

If you put photographs of vacant looking young women in their underwear in your article, the lingerie pixies blow magic fairy dust into the ears of gamers all over the world, who will feel a sudden urge to click through to your site from the N4G submission and absorb the wit and wisdom of the words. They will pay little to no attention to the pictures.

8: Top ten top 10 excuses for breaking embargoes (desperateforhits.com, sponsored by gogaminggiant.com)

This list speaks for itself really; go check it out. If you run a site or gaming blog, you may well pick up some very useful tips. Excuses I’m going to appropriate and pass around the team here at Critical Gamer include ‘I thought an embargo was a tropical fruit’, ‘We don’t go by the Gregorian calendar’, ‘I’m just really lonely, I broke the embargo so somebody would e mail me’, and ‘My watch is 48 hours fast’.

7: Top ten top 10 reasons why the PS3 is better than the Xbox 360 (weownn4g.org)

We all know the PS3 is far superior to the lame Xbox 360, don’t we? And this list provides compelling evidence to support this stance.

6: Top ten top 10 reasons why the Xbox 360 is better than the PS3 (kissmyredring.co.uk)

We all know the Xbox 360 is far superior to the lame PS3, don’t we? And this list provides compelling evidence to support this stance.

5: Top ten top 10 reasons why the Wii is a fad (oblivioustoreality.au)

The Wii. Who likes the Wii? Nobody. Everybody knows you have to jump around the room flapping your arms just to get past the title screen of any Wii game. Nobody’s buying the thing. Okay, maybe a few people did. Okay, maybe a few million people did. Okay, so maybe it’s the most popular console on the planet by a country mile; but its popularity will wane. It’ll drop off into third place.

Yup, nobody will even remember the Wii in a few months. It’ll stop selling.

Any day now.

4: Top ten top 10 special editions of games (scrapingthebarrel.ca)

I don’t know about you, but I won’t even consider buying a game unless it comes in an oversized cardboard box that contains the game, a making of DVD that I’ll never watch, and preferably some kind of toy. The aforementioned list gives you one hundred such special editions to remember and envy. More interesting still, is the list scrapingthebarrel.ca have compiled of special editions that never made it to retail.

We all know about the infamous edition of Super Mario Brothers, to come packaged with magic mushrooms, that was canned at the last minute (costs proved to be too prohibitive). But did you know that the original Modern Warfare was originally planned to have an accompanying deluxe edition, which would have given you two live hand grenades and ‘Soap’ branded soap? Or how about Shadow the Hedgehog with live hedgehog and .44 Magnum?

Rumours have recently emerged, which you may have already heard about, regarding EA. It’s said that they’re considering bundling a jigsaw of the box art with every online – enabled game. The pieces employ revolutionary face recognition technology however, which ensure that if you try to complete the jigsaw with friends, the pieces will refuse to connect.

3: Top ten top 10 best game endings (spoilercity.com)

Even the best games struggle to provide a satisfying ending. Every now and then however, an ending is produced that truly rewards all your hard work and lost time, and makes you feel that it was all worth it. Watch them all at spoilercity right now!

2: Top ten top 10 videogame babes (jumpupanddownformebaby.com)

Virtual women have been a part of the games industry almost for as long as it’s existed. Ever since Lara ‘they’d give her backache surely?’ Croft however, there’s been an explosion of female avatars. It’s a real leap forward for feminism. So often now you’ll see a game where you control not a hero, but a heroine. Where it’s a woman taking control and saving the day, rather than cowering in the corner. Okay, so most of the time these women will be wearing revealing and/or painfully tight clothing, and their breasts would usually enter a room three seconds before the rest of them, but that’s not the point.

I for one am thrilled to bits to see women finally getting equal treatment in games, and anybody who cries sexism is a cynical troublemaker. The gaming community is full of people who strongly support women’s rights, which is why these types of lists always prove so popular.

1: Top ten top 10 ladies not wearing very much (misogynyforallthefamily.org)

Damn those lingerie pixies.