Spoiler Warning

Have you seen this old episode of The Simpsons? During Marge and Homer’s dating period they go and see The Empire Strikes Back and as they leave, passing by a queue of people still waiting to see the movie as they go, Homer says to Marge, “Wow! Who’d have thought that Darth Vader would be Luke Skywalker’s father?”

I’m really sorry if I just spoiled that for you. Genuinely. I can only assume you’re fresh out the womb if you haven’t seen it though, so I hope I’m safe from any potential attempts on my life or other types of revenge. But aren’t spoilers a funny thing?

In that example I used above the crowd waiting to see the movie booed or shouted and were angry, but why? Homer was blissfully ignorant of what he was doing. It was an accident. Accidents of this type can happen all the time. A situation like that can spring up without warning. It can be as simple as two friends talking about a new game and one saying, “Have you got to that bit yet?” and just like that something has been spoiled by accident.

For a situation where a genuine accident is to blame, forgiveness is probably the most desirable conclusion. Be it a spoiler about a book, movie or game the repercussions are the same and a mistake is a mistake. But what if it was something else? What if it was a vindictive act?

Do you have one of those types of friends? The ones that just seem to love trying to spoil things for you? I know I’ve had one and I know other people who have as well. Not just friends mind you, but strangers as well. It got me thinking about the reasons why.

Heavy Rain is a good example of a recent game to be plagued by spoiler related troubles. The game plays like an interactive movie and the big selling point is trying to work out who the killer is. Going into it with that knowledge thanks to a spoiler would tarnish the whole experience, making it largely pointless to play at all.

Perhaps inevitably then an individual, vindictive to a level that makes The Bride from Kill Bill seem normal, took to a popular PS3 forum and sent private messages to members en masse declaring who the killer was. Thankfully, I was smart enough to quarantine myself away from the internet in a secure ignorance bubble until I had played through the game, but needless to say that when I saw this I was shocked.

As misanthropic as I may be and generally negative of other people as a result, I suppose what is most shocking is the effort put into being so vindictive. It’s almost impressive, in a depressing kind of way. Is the pleasure of ruining someone’s playing experience really that enticing? That particular example creates the mental image of an Xbox 360 player disappointed at Heavy Rain’s PS3 exclusivity setting out on a quest for justice. Perhaps I’m over dramatising. Perhaps I’m laying down some flame-bait. Who knows?

Here’s a real example of vindictive game spoiling in action and the comeuppance of said actions. A friend of mine has a colleague that seems to pro-actively enjoy spoiling things. I won’t say it is fully malice to blame here since I don’t know them personally, but you can form your own opinion. A few examples of things this individual has spoiled for my friend (which I have chosen to be vague about to avoid being a hypocrite) include: the finale and plot to Mass Effect 1 and 2, the twist in InFamous, certain sections of Arkham Asylum, a surprisingly detailed synopsis of the God of War universe, every single Phoenix Wright murderer identity, and the meaning of life.

Naturally this all left my friend in a very bad mood and unfortunately due to work related needs he couldn’t distance himself from this irritating individual. Now, they say two wrongs don’t make a right and that’s probably correct, but I chose to ignore that saying in this instance as I felt this person needed to experience what they were forcing other people to go through.

I played through Heavy Rain and knew that my friend had no interest in it at all, so I offered to pass on some choice information about it to him. Yeah, I told him the killer’s identity. My friend held onto that precious piece of information, held onto it tightly until a few minutes after this pleb of a colleague of his had bought Heavy Rain. You can guess what he then did (with probably a bit too much glee to be fully justifiable or excusable).

“You just made me waste £40!” the pleb cried.

“Now you know what it feels like!” all his friends replied.

Was that mean? Yes, it was. But from this event that person might take away a lesson. A valuable lesson. To experience the disappointment, the anger, the resentment at the vindictive power a spoiler can hold over someone. Or maybe they won’t. Maybe they’ll just try even harder to find the next big spoiler and get it out there first and the whole cycle will repeat itself again. Isn’t life wonderful?

Still, going from an accident to pure hateful spite is quite a leap and there is a middle ground. Perhaps in someone’s overeagerness to talk about or even show an exciting point of a game (or other form of media) they’ll do it without taking into consideration whether or not the person wants to find out for themselves.

There’s also those who just don’t ‘get’ spoilers. They don’t see the need to warn people or understand why said people might hate them so much afterwards. Perhaps it’s to do with how much someone cares about the story? Plot certainly seems central to most spoiler sensitive subjects and how important the plot is would vary depending on the genre of game. I wouldn’t have particularly cared if what was in The Vault at the end of Borderlands was spoiled for me ahead of time for example, yet I would be annoyed if I was told the objective of the final GTA IV mission.

Someone not aware of the annoyance caused by spoilers might look at both those examples and not see any discernible difference. However, that doesn’t mean it’s right to just say what they want. It would be better to err on the side of caution and warn of potential spoilers and that way they still get to talk about whatever plot twist they want yet have given due warning to anyone who might not want to see anything like that.

Is it just down to manners in the end? The internet is as void of manners as Scotland is of non-alcoholics, so I suppose it’s no surprise that spoilers are bandied about as weapons on there all the time. But it doesn’t just happen on the internet, so that’s no excuse. If there is anything to take away from this, it would be to take into account a bit more due consideration of a fellow gamer’s feelings when openly talking about plot twists or big reveals.

Or, I suppose, you may have also learned that if you really, really wanted to tick someone off you could wield a powerful spoiler for +1D20 bonus damage and a chance at a critical hit. Someone like me for instance.

…Back to my ignorance bubble I go.